Christina Riley
Christina Riley is an artist and writer based on Scotland's west coast. Using film and alternative process photography, found objects, writing and installations, her work draws acute attention to the details of the natural world with a particular focus on the sea.Christina Riley was born in Ottawa, Canada, 1984. After studying photography in college she went on to assist other photographers and to shoot professionally. Her work has appeared in magazines, advertising campaigns and corporate collateral. Her personal work has been shown in group shows throughout North America. Christina now lives, photographs and makes music in Central California.
"Back To Me"
Christina Riley’s Back to Me is a raw look at the use of photography to bring oneself back from the brink of mental illness. Published by Straylight Press — and on its second edition — Christina’s work documents the quiet and contemplative moments amongst the mania and madness of bipolar disorder.When she shot Back to Me, she remembers just having a gut feeling that the grain was working best to convey the actual emotions and space she was experiencing. She didn’t question it at all. Something about the imperfections and weird colour cast really matched the dreamlike, disconnected state she was in. She never really felt hesitant to share the photographs with the world. She think it’s important for people to see, understand and possibly be able to relate to the reality of mental illness as a real human experience. It annoys her when people are guarded and scared to show true colours of life. She thinks it was important to share and she's still happy with my decision. She still feels really emotionally attached to the work, of course. Shortly after the worst of the episode was over her friend/mentor Tony Fouhse who founded and runs Straylight Press offered to publish a book for her. Not just because we are close, but because he really believed in the photographs. She was sharing them on an blog with some poetry as it was all happening so he was able to see them develop there. He was a huge help with making the book. Straylight Press is so great. Not just saying that because of her relationship with Tony, but what they put out is work that people should see. Might be some stuff certain people don’t want to see, but it’s real and important and it should be looked at. She was so lost in my her world. The camera was like a line to reality – not enough really to pull her out of her insanity but she just knew it was something she had to do. It almost felt like a part of her body. She actually remembers looking at the camera and thinking of it as a person sort of, watching her. In hindsight, having the photographs and making the book really made her face her illness and know it is actually real and dangerous and something she has to take care of. It was extremely hard to look at the pictures after but by doing that and sequencing them into a book, she was able to process everything that happened. It felt like a real end.The reactions she had from ‘Back to Me’ had meant so much to her. People have written to her saying that it helped them feel understood or not alone, people have told her also that it made them cry. She had a conversation with someone who actually told me their friend committed suicide at one of the spots pictured in my book, and he told her he was happy I got through my episode ok. The positive feedback from other photographers and artists who I respect has been really nice and encouraging as well. I think putting myself out there so honestly, really set me free.
"In 2011 I lost my mind.
Somewhere beneath the world we all know, was mine. With reality
removed, I stepped forward. Into a dream. There was no self, there
was nothing else.
removed, I stepped forward. Into a dream. There was no self, there
was nothing else.
191 photographs followed me back from that time.
In Back to me, lay 30 pictures from then. They may or may not
give you a glimpse into that world. You might feel what I felt, but
mostly you will feel what you feel. – Christina Riley"
give you a glimpse into that world. You might feel what I felt, but
mostly you will feel what you feel. – Christina Riley"
"Born "
Becoming a mother was really tough. It impacted her mental health with postpartum anxiety and depression. The weight of responsibility to keep the baby safe and healthy was intense. She worried non stop, because so much was out of her
hands. Out of control. At times she felt so disconnected from her, but felt the deepest love for her as well. It was quite confusing, especially because she was never told that those feelings can be very normal. She felt very alone and overwhelmed. Throughout the pregnancy, She stayed on her medication for bipolar disorder, because the risk to her was considered higher than risks for the baby. She was so happy she did because she thinks she would have been in much worse condition after birth if not. She is constantly documenting herself and her life. It is a part of who she is . She knew ahead of time that she wanted to photograph her daughter’s life, as a gift to her, for her future. She believes it’s very important to have pictures of your childhood since a lot of that time is lost. So by obsessively taking pictures of her, she was able to document herself, and her emotions as well. By sharing her experience in an honest way, she is able to connect with people who have gone through a similar struggle. Her hope is that the work could help others feel less isolated in their experience, and that it will open the minds of people who haven’t been through it. She thinks there is an expectation people have about becoming parents – they expect for everything to be beautiful and for love to take over completely. When things don’t turn out that way and postpartum hits, it’s easy to feel like a failure – to feel guilt and shame. It’s important for people to know that their experience, however mild or extreme, is very normal. Back to me was all shot on super high iso, with a ton of grain, so the images had a strange color cast, and felt more dreamlike. The decision to make Born black and white was done more instinctively, but since the subject matter is so “traditional” – birth, baby, motherhood – it worked perfectly. She wanted the book to look kind of traditional, even though the photos are not.By documenting my life through that time, she was able to reflect on the pictures and could see things how they were, and in the end where it all led her. She went from feeling like the worst mom, a stranger to herself, with a new stranger in her house (the baby), to seeing herself as a great mom to her daughter. It was a very emotional trip. She did not expect it to be as unsettling as it was, but it was worth the struggle.
"Born is a photo series with an honest and intimate first hand view at the difficult transition of becoming a mother. When my daughter was born in 2013, I really struggled. The loss of self was overwhelming and my anxiety flourished as I grappled to find my way in my new life. I felt so alone, so lost. Born is a selection of 40 images edited and sequenced out of the hundreds I shot in the first year of motherhood. Together they capture my journey through displacement, loneliness, self-discovery and love.
As a photographer I’ve naturally gravitated towards, and found my voice documenting myself openly through mental illness, health and overall just my human experience. By obsessively photographing my life and communicating through photography, I’ve been able to understand and accept who I truly am and connect with people." – Christina Riley
